THE BARRISTER’S BRAWL – A poem about the Eric Deters Charity Challenge Cage Fight

 

THE BARRISTER’S BRAWL

by Kenton Circuit Judge Marty Sheehan

 A lawyer of local acclaim,

In a move sure to increase his fame,

Did one day incautiously boast,

As a boisterous radio host,

That he could kick any County Cop’s rear.

 He had filed countless suits for police brutality,

And now spoke without any thought of mortality.

Such inflamed words helped to drive up his ratings,

So the local cops he would continue berating.

He thought he had little to fear.

 Much to the lawyer’s chagrin,

At that moment it seems several cops were tuned in.

Most just grew mad as they continued to listen,

But there was one whose eyes started to glisten.

He’d make that S.O.B. pay.

 This cop was a trained martial arts fighter.

His chance to knock out a foe never seemed brighter.

Defending police honor would only be fair,

So he picked up the phone and answered the dare.

“Let’s hear what the Bulldog will say!”

 The Bulldog’s response it was shocking,

And in a tone which appeared to be mocking,

He blurted out without really thinking,

“I’ll kick your butt until it is stinking.”

Words he would later regret.

 Out of fear for the lawyer’s plight,

Two local states refused to permit the fight.

But Indiana was soon given a call,

And they were most happy to sanction the brawl.

The Bulldog was beginning to fret.

 “Down Goes Frazier” has been the most famous retort,

In the history of this most violent sport.

But when the Bulldog is down for the count; stunned and dazed,

The new cry could be, “He must have been crazed!”

 The lawyer now wished he could take it all back.

He loathed the idea of eyes blue and black.

His mouth had worked faster than his brain on that day.
”They should all know I don’t always mean what I say!”

 But the brawl will go off as originally planned.

That’s what the ticket holders justly demand.

The Bulldog and K-9 in a historic fight

At the Lawrenceburg Fairgrounds, on a hot August night.

 The lawyer could have backed out and said the dare was a joke

But backing down from a challenge is not in his yoke.

Say what you will about the Bulldog’s vast flaws,

What he lacks in good sense he makes up for with balls.

 Hyping the fight was a shock jock named Willie,

Whose outrageous comments made him appear rather silly.

Seems like this goof ball has always got something to say

He won’t let the facts or his ignorance stand in the way.

 The crowd wasn’t pleased with Willie’s remarks

So at the tossing of beer cans they did embark

One beverage hit Willie square in the head

His tired old act was wearing thin as a thread.

 Thousands had come to witness the bout,

Girls in loose halters with boobs popping out,

Cops and crooks and some lawyers too,

“Hey Bubba have ya seen my brand new tattoo?”

 The crowd in attendance was an extremely rough mix,

With menacing scars and front teeth to fix.

But they all were united in one simple cause,

To see the Bulldog covered in band-aids and gauze.

 Decked out in Armani and fancy dress shoes

He entered the ring to a chorus of boo’s.

As he stripped down to his custom made shorts

He thought, “This could be worse than my last trial in court.”

 As the bell sounded to commence the fight

The K-9 charged forward and landed a right.

He followed that up with a few body blows

As the onlookers screamed, “Break his big nose!”

 At 1:56 of Round One the Bulldog went down

In the blood thirsty crowd there was nary a frown.

The Bulldog scrambled to cover his head

As the K-9 pummeled him with fists of lead.

 Nearly all in attendance

Began to scream and shout

Now there’s joy in Independence,

The mighty Bulldog has tapped out.

 

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