REHAB CONFLAG – MAYBE WE ARE IN THE WRONG BUSINESS?

Editorial by Senior Editor Stan Billingsley.

My wife Gwen and I are planning a new business venture…and the Rehab scam looks really good.

One can’t help but note how many celebrities are going to rehab these days.  Brittany Spears flew to the Bahamas, checked into rehab for one day, then flew coach (She’s worth some $100 million and she flies coach?  That in itself is a sign of some serious trouble in the old Spears noggin’) to L.A., spent one hour at her home in the Hollywood Hills, and then went to a beauty (?) shop and cut off all her hair before getting two new tattoos.
 

There must be ten or fifteen incidences in the last month were celebrities have gone to rehab.  Remember the Congressman who prayed on Pages?  Rehab!  The conservative born again mega-church pastor in Colorado who hates gays?  Yes, after one month of rehab he is no longer gay!  The NBA player who announced he hates gays?  Rehab is recommended.   Lindsay Lohan?  She goes to rehab during the day and parties to dawn all night. Michael Richards?  Remember Kramer?  Rehab for his N word rant! Nicole Richey who used to be kind of cute and now is skin and bones, and stops her car in the middle of heavy traffic on a L.A. expressway. The list is almost endless.
 

These Rehab emporiums are getting $1000 a day to house celebrities and “cure? them of being gay, hating gays, being drug abusers, alcohol abusers, N word abusers, pedophilia, victims of imagined parental abuse revealed only under hypnosis.  And success is guaranteed in only a day or two of rehab.
 

Gwen and I have a couple of extra rooms in the house, and we could always use an extra thousand dollars a day to fund our golf habit….perhaps we should open a Rehab center.
All you need to do is feed them breakfast, pat them on the back, spend an hour letting them tell how awful it is to be worth millions and to have people approach you for your autograph. (The horror!)  And then we print out a certificate of attendance and send them on their way as soon as their large check clears.
 

We could specialize in politicians who tell us they want to improve education, the highways, the environment and have signed the Grover Norquist pledge that they will veto any new taxes.  Now those people really need rehab.
 

 We also will have room for those legislators who argue for family values, and then want to put limits on loss of consortium claims.  Maybe we can put up a cot in the basement for those legislators who seriously are considering HB 184 which would allow any statute to be repealed or enacted during closed door deliberations on the budget bill thereby bypassing the public committee hearings that are currently required for approval of legislation.
 

That’s the plan.  We will appreciate any referrals

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